Small Steps, Great Strides
Sacred space, sacred time
Believe in your personal power, retrieve if lost
Explore, enhance creativity to allow flow of positive energy
Don't get stuck in a rut, seek out a form of support system
Assess, evaluate your attitude, believe in the power of positive affirmation
Value your gifts, your talents, count your blessings
Think once, think twice, think again before making major decisions.
Know your capabilities and limitations, your strengths and weaknesses
Don't let problems get you down- are you missing the cause
Listen to your Inner Voice, your intiution, nurture your Spirit, learn to be in harmony with Nature and the elements Learn psychic protection, grounding, balancing , centering, clearing- find out how.
Give yourself time to meditate, a quiet time to get rechargedUse your imagination to overcome limitations of our mundane existence.
Find creative ways to face life's dilemmas.
GIVE YOURSELF A PAT ON THE BACK, ACKNOWLDGE YOUR SUCCESS ,LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
Assets that are helpful
Good physical health, strength and vitality
Have good relationships with family, siblings and friends
Have had caring and responsible parent/s
Having had parent/s who provided a model of love and respect
Coming from life-affirming family that had capacity for joy
Coming from a family who co-operated with one another
Family background that permitted free expression of emotionsStrong gender identification
Acknowledge sexual feelings
History of productive functioning.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Friday, March 17, 2006
4 Powerful ways to fire up your motivation
4 Powerful Ways to Fire up Your Motivation
It is so difficult to go on when everything seems to fail, isn’t it? Are there times in your life when you really want to call it "quits" because you just can't see any good results from allthe hard work you've done? Hold your horses! Never ever, think of giving up. Winners never quit and quitters never win. Take all negative words out of your mental dictionary and focus on the solutions with utmost conviction and patience. The battle is never lost until you have abandoned your vision. However, what if you are exhausted physically, mentally, andmost of all emotionally? Here are some sources of motivation to prompt you in reaching the peak of accomplishment.
1) The Overwhelming Feeling of attaining your Desired End How would you feel after accomplishing your mission? Of course, you will feel ecstatic. You might be shedding tears of joy. Let this tremendous feeling sink in and encourage you to persist despite all odds. When I was studying for the Board Exams, I used this technique to motivate me. I would envision the sweetness of folks calling me a CPA. It would command respect. People will look up tome as a higher level of authority. In addition, I would have better chances of finding a good job. I absorbed all these great perceptions into my inner being in order to achieve my ultimategoal.
2) The Reward System how would you feel if you have entered a contest, but there are no prizes for the winners. It is not very encouraging, isn't it? The same principles apply to your vision. Reward yourself after accomplishing a goal. Set a particular incentive for every objective. Let us say if you have achieved a particular task, you will treat yourself to your favorite restaurant. When you have finished a bigger task, you will go on a vacation. Got the idea?
Just set something gratifying to indulge in after completing a certain undertaking.
3) The Powerful Force of Humanity if you want to succeed, surrounds yourself with the right kind of people who will support and encourage you all the way. Be with people who have the same beliefs and aspirations as yours. Positive aura is generated by this fusion of collective energy from people of "like minds." On the contrary, being with people who oppose your ways of thinking may trigger a negative, yet very powerful, kind of motivation. Has anyone ever said to you that "You'll never get anywhere" or "You're wasting your time with what you're doing?" Didn't it made you furious and determined enough to prove to them how wrong they were? This is what I am talking about. When aggravated, you will do anything to make those who are against you swallow their words. But of course, your main focus should be on the accomplishment of your goal and not for the purpose of revenge. Never let your emotions toward others alter your main objective.
4) Take Care Of Your Health Exercise regularly. Fill your brains with enough oxygen toallow you to do your daily tasks with more vigor and energy. Take regular breaks if time allows. Having the will power to continue despite all hardships is extremely important, but you should still know your limits. If you don't take enough rest, you will not be able to thinkclearly and you will not be able to do your tasks properly. In the process, you will just get more frustrated. Take sufficient sleep and recharge yourself after a hard day's work. Never, ever ignore your health. I've learned my lesson when I sacrificed my health for the sake of success. I've worked very long hours everyday and just got minimal sleep. As a result, I became ill. It's not worth it. Success won't matter if you don't have good health to enjoy it.
Fire up your motivation and live life to the fullest!
It is so difficult to go on when everything seems to fail, isn’t it? Are there times in your life when you really want to call it "quits" because you just can't see any good results from allthe hard work you've done? Hold your horses! Never ever, think of giving up. Winners never quit and quitters never win. Take all negative words out of your mental dictionary and focus on the solutions with utmost conviction and patience. The battle is never lost until you have abandoned your vision. However, what if you are exhausted physically, mentally, andmost of all emotionally? Here are some sources of motivation to prompt you in reaching the peak of accomplishment.
1) The Overwhelming Feeling of attaining your Desired End How would you feel after accomplishing your mission? Of course, you will feel ecstatic. You might be shedding tears of joy. Let this tremendous feeling sink in and encourage you to persist despite all odds. When I was studying for the Board Exams, I used this technique to motivate me. I would envision the sweetness of folks calling me a CPA. It would command respect. People will look up tome as a higher level of authority. In addition, I would have better chances of finding a good job. I absorbed all these great perceptions into my inner being in order to achieve my ultimategoal.
2) The Reward System how would you feel if you have entered a contest, but there are no prizes for the winners. It is not very encouraging, isn't it? The same principles apply to your vision. Reward yourself after accomplishing a goal. Set a particular incentive for every objective. Let us say if you have achieved a particular task, you will treat yourself to your favorite restaurant. When you have finished a bigger task, you will go on a vacation. Got the idea?
Just set something gratifying to indulge in after completing a certain undertaking.
3) The Powerful Force of Humanity if you want to succeed, surrounds yourself with the right kind of people who will support and encourage you all the way. Be with people who have the same beliefs and aspirations as yours. Positive aura is generated by this fusion of collective energy from people of "like minds." On the contrary, being with people who oppose your ways of thinking may trigger a negative, yet very powerful, kind of motivation. Has anyone ever said to you that "You'll never get anywhere" or "You're wasting your time with what you're doing?" Didn't it made you furious and determined enough to prove to them how wrong they were? This is what I am talking about. When aggravated, you will do anything to make those who are against you swallow their words. But of course, your main focus should be on the accomplishment of your goal and not for the purpose of revenge. Never let your emotions toward others alter your main objective.
4) Take Care Of Your Health Exercise regularly. Fill your brains with enough oxygen toallow you to do your daily tasks with more vigor and energy. Take regular breaks if time allows. Having the will power to continue despite all hardships is extremely important, but you should still know your limits. If you don't take enough rest, you will not be able to thinkclearly and you will not be able to do your tasks properly. In the process, you will just get more frustrated. Take sufficient sleep and recharge yourself after a hard day's work. Never, ever ignore your health. I've learned my lesson when I sacrificed my health for the sake of success. I've worked very long hours everyday and just got minimal sleep. As a result, I became ill. It's not worth it. Success won't matter if you don't have good health to enjoy it.
Fire up your motivation and live life to the fullest!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
The Power of Inspiration
The Power of Inspiration
INSPIRATION can be a powerful thing. It can keep you going when all around you cries out. Quit!? It is even more powerful than motivation, as motivation gives you your basic reasons to keep going--it tells you why you want to do what you do, because motivation is based on goals. These, in turn, may be based on necessity want or desire. However, inspiration fills those reasons with hope, possibility and enjoyment and keeps the? Grind? From becoming too, grind. However, just what doe does inspiration consist of? Posit two elements: vision and mission. Proverbs29: 18 say? Where there is no vision, the people perish.? A vision is the first step toward turning your motivation into inspiration. A person with a vision sees down the road. He can sense what twill is like six weeks, six months, a year, two years, five years and more ahead. However, how do you get a vision? you ask. First, you need to narrow your perspective. You cannot attempt to. Ride off in all directions at once, so to speak. Try to decide what it is you are looking for, so you will know it when you see it. In other words, try to have in mind some general goals as to where you want to be six months a yearned. from now. These goals will not only form the basis of your motivation but should also serve to limit to an extent the scope of your activity. Next, try to locate and choose an opportunity (business, career or job), which you feel, is right for you. This may be easier said then done, as there are many choices, which sound good. You may come upon an outstanding one right away, purely by chance. If so, latch onto it. However, you will probably have to pick several at first and study the things, which each one offers and try to evaluate the potential of each one as you see it. Settle on the one, which you feel, has the most potential with the least amount of hassle (preferably one that is totally Internet driven as opposed to one where you have to spend time calling potential prospects by phone). Once you have chosen your company, stand behind it in every way and do not quit or change your mind.B.C. Forbes said. Without loyalty, nothing can be accomplished in any sphere.... Think of yourself as being in it for the long haul, no matter what. In addition, try to envision, based on what you know, how things will be down the road. Keep that picture before your mind, and never doubt. Napoleon Hill said. What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve, and the Bible says, in Hebrews 11:1? Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Once the vision is firmly implanted in your mind, let it become your driving force. Let the vision excite you with the possibility of its fulfillment and you will automatically begin the next step--you are on a mission. Your mission is to bring about the realization of the vision. If you keep the vision in mind, you will move forward in the mission, accomplishing enthusiastically step by step that which is necessary to bring the vision into reality. You will have developed a sense of excite-mint, importance and urgency which will keep the fires of inspiration burning in your heart and moving you ever onward and upward.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
It Is All About Attitude
It Is All About Attitude!
Why do we really need the experiences that we have to deal with in our day-to-day life? Does anyone know who can answer my question? Somehow, at heart I do know and understand the answer to this question. However, I have no discipline to do something about it in respect of applying the principle in dealing with my own life experiences.
To a certain extent, we all have some sort of karma to deal with in our lives. I myself, do have karma in this lifetime to deal with, it is my famous four (4)! The vibration of the four deals primarily in stability and commitment being the main concern. This is all very nice from my point of view in life, being a Gemini and having some strong characteristics that are contradictory to the vibration of the four!
In my experience of living through that karma, I am beginning to become aware of the existence of sub division, making it interesting for me to deal with. Four is an earthly vibration and has a great deal of focus upon mundane everyday responsibility.
Do you sometimes feel that your karma is never ending process? If so, then that feeling is not just a part of your imagination, it is a true fact because your karma has been around usually for more than one lifetime. Its roots are far from being the lesson of this lifetime alone! That is what makes it difficult to handle and can make us stubborn when the time comes to deal with it accordingly. Certainly, this was the case for me until my girlfriend introduced me to the words "it is all about attitude".
I was not able to comment upon her statement at that point. I was in need of some time to grasp the essence of those words in my head. I had to allow time for my logical mind to analyze the statement, or else, I might have lost my fun in the process!
How do we define an attitude? An attitude is the way we define something according to what's going on in our environmental circumstances. We must always look to these circumstances objectively, in order that we are ready to make necessary adjustments in the case where any aspects of those circumstances are not working. That reminds me of the saying when being presented with half glass of water, 'is it half full or is it half empty'?
Somehow the word attitude opened something inside of me, although I was not capable of knowing exactly what at this point of my experience in dealing with my karma. I thought about it hard and realized that our attitude does have a great affect and can make a huge difference when dealing with our day-to-day experiences. However, when it come to our lessons in life being a part of our karma, changing our attitude to a more positive and objective one can enhance our situation and facilitate our experience in our lessons by creating the capacity for us to move faster in our growth. Now, back to the point of me dealing with my own karma, it will help me at least to have a better attitude about my lesson, my life and specially my attitude about myself. That's where everything starts, with the self.
So, in the end, whether we have a positive or negative attitude we still must deal with things in our life. So why make it hard on ourselves? Just have a change of attitude!
Why do we really need the experiences that we have to deal with in our day-to-day life? Does anyone know who can answer my question? Somehow, at heart I do know and understand the answer to this question. However, I have no discipline to do something about it in respect of applying the principle in dealing with my own life experiences.
To a certain extent, we all have some sort of karma to deal with in our lives. I myself, do have karma in this lifetime to deal with, it is my famous four (4)! The vibration of the four deals primarily in stability and commitment being the main concern. This is all very nice from my point of view in life, being a Gemini and having some strong characteristics that are contradictory to the vibration of the four!
In my experience of living through that karma, I am beginning to become aware of the existence of sub division, making it interesting for me to deal with. Four is an earthly vibration and has a great deal of focus upon mundane everyday responsibility.
Do you sometimes feel that your karma is never ending process? If so, then that feeling is not just a part of your imagination, it is a true fact because your karma has been around usually for more than one lifetime. Its roots are far from being the lesson of this lifetime alone! That is what makes it difficult to handle and can make us stubborn when the time comes to deal with it accordingly. Certainly, this was the case for me until my girlfriend introduced me to the words "it is all about attitude".
I was not able to comment upon her statement at that point. I was in need of some time to grasp the essence of those words in my head. I had to allow time for my logical mind to analyze the statement, or else, I might have lost my fun in the process!
How do we define an attitude? An attitude is the way we define something according to what's going on in our environmental circumstances. We must always look to these circumstances objectively, in order that we are ready to make necessary adjustments in the case where any aspects of those circumstances are not working. That reminds me of the saying when being presented with half glass of water, 'is it half full or is it half empty'?
Somehow the word attitude opened something inside of me, although I was not capable of knowing exactly what at this point of my experience in dealing with my karma. I thought about it hard and realized that our attitude does have a great affect and can make a huge difference when dealing with our day-to-day experiences. However, when it come to our lessons in life being a part of our karma, changing our attitude to a more positive and objective one can enhance our situation and facilitate our experience in our lessons by creating the capacity for us to move faster in our growth. Now, back to the point of me dealing with my own karma, it will help me at least to have a better attitude about my lesson, my life and specially my attitude about myself. That's where everything starts, with the self.
So, in the end, whether we have a positive or negative attitude we still must deal with things in our life. So why make it hard on ourselves? Just have a change of attitude!
Life Changing Attitude
Life Changing Attitude
Do you really believe that there is anything in the world that is impossible?
I am 21 and I had to grow up at accelerated rates because of multiple circumstances in my life. One of them was the divorce of my parents, my mother had no money and my father did not seem to care about my brother and me. In addition, to make it clear "no money" means that we didn't have enough even for food.
Now, I am not saying these things so you can feel pity for me. I am telling you because somehow I managed to survive, I found a Way.
Today I make 2000 euros a month, I know it is not a fortune but at least I have a budget that is 4 times more than the average budget in Greece and this amount grows every minute even as I write this article. By the way, my father makes less money than that.
How did I manage to make it while I did not have a quarter of a penny in my pocket? ATTITUDE is the answer, I never ever stopped learning about anything that could be learned and that made me look like Guru in my circle of influence. Even with no money, I had the most beautiful girls and the highest grades of all. When someone had a problem, I was the one who solved it.
Imagine how it is like to have your own problems and the problems of others. It is great, why? Because you get feedback from all the flanks, imagine yourself like a giant sponge whose only job is to soak information. It gives you an edge over the entire community, simply because people cannot cope with their own problems and helping you with yours is out of consideration. Can't cope? Alternatively, so they think.
You see I wasn't always like that, until family problems "made me" take Responsibility. I had no one to rely upon except myself and to tell the truth I felt like I was Lost in complications and trouble. At that point, I gave a promise to myself that no matter how many troubles I had I Would Succeed in Life. I was so determined that I slept only 3 to 4 hours a day.
What I did find out, was that the key to get what you want is ATTITUDE and not just any attitude but the right attitude. Let's say you want to get rich, in order to get rich and successful you must behave like rich and successful people even if you are starving to death. You must believe you deserve to be rich and I don't mean some superficial belief deep in your head, rather a strong conviction that you do deserve what you ask for.
When you have that kind of convictions and determination people will start treat you the way you deserve. It's a weird thing but most people form an "Opinion" based on things you believe about yourself, so if you believe you are rich you will be perceived like one, if you believe you deserve to be respected you will be respected. In time those same people, will make your "false" conviction come True. The future "You" is made from the present "belief of" you.
The only restriction of what you can achieve is your Imagination. Imagine the best "YOU" in every detail and you will certainly become this "YOU".
Do you really believe that there is anything in the world that is impossible?
I am 21 and I had to grow up at accelerated rates because of multiple circumstances in my life. One of them was the divorce of my parents, my mother had no money and my father did not seem to care about my brother and me. In addition, to make it clear "no money" means that we didn't have enough even for food.
Now, I am not saying these things so you can feel pity for me. I am telling you because somehow I managed to survive, I found a Way.
Today I make 2000 euros a month, I know it is not a fortune but at least I have a budget that is 4 times more than the average budget in Greece and this amount grows every minute even as I write this article. By the way, my father makes less money than that.
How did I manage to make it while I did not have a quarter of a penny in my pocket? ATTITUDE is the answer, I never ever stopped learning about anything that could be learned and that made me look like Guru in my circle of influence. Even with no money, I had the most beautiful girls and the highest grades of all. When someone had a problem, I was the one who solved it.
Imagine how it is like to have your own problems and the problems of others. It is great, why? Because you get feedback from all the flanks, imagine yourself like a giant sponge whose only job is to soak information. It gives you an edge over the entire community, simply because people cannot cope with their own problems and helping you with yours is out of consideration. Can't cope? Alternatively, so they think.
You see I wasn't always like that, until family problems "made me" take Responsibility. I had no one to rely upon except myself and to tell the truth I felt like I was Lost in complications and trouble. At that point, I gave a promise to myself that no matter how many troubles I had I Would Succeed in Life. I was so determined that I slept only 3 to 4 hours a day.
What I did find out, was that the key to get what you want is ATTITUDE and not just any attitude but the right attitude. Let's say you want to get rich, in order to get rich and successful you must behave like rich and successful people even if you are starving to death. You must believe you deserve to be rich and I don't mean some superficial belief deep in your head, rather a strong conviction that you do deserve what you ask for.
When you have that kind of convictions and determination people will start treat you the way you deserve. It's a weird thing but most people form an "Opinion" based on things you believe about yourself, so if you believe you are rich you will be perceived like one, if you believe you deserve to be respected you will be respected. In time those same people, will make your "false" conviction come True. The future "You" is made from the present "belief of" you.
The only restriction of what you can achieve is your Imagination. Imagine the best "YOU" in every detail and you will certainly become this "YOU".
Life Changing Attitude
Life Changing Attitude
Do you really believe that there is anything in the world that is impossible?
I am 21 and I had to grow up at accelerated rates because of multiple circumstances in my life. One of them was the divorce of my parents, my mother had no money and my father did not seem to care about my brother and me. In addition, to make it clear "no money" means that we didn't have enough even for food.
Now, I am not saying these things so you can feel pity for me. I am telling you because somehow I managed to survive, I found a Way.
Today I make 2000 euros a month, I know it is not a fortune but at least I have a budget that is 4 times more than the average budget in Greece and this amount grows every minute even as I write this article. By the way, my father makes less money than that.
How did I manage to make it while I did not have a quarter of a penny in my pocket? ATTITUDE is the answer, I never ever stopped learning about anything that could be learned and that made me look like Guru in my circle of influence. Even with no money, I had the most beautiful girls and the highest grades of all. When someone had a problem, I was the one who solved it.
Imagine how it is like to have your own problems and the problems of others. It is great, why? Because you get feedback from all the flanks, imagine yourself like a giant sponge whose only job is to soak information. It gives you an edge over the entire community, simply because people cannot cope with their own problems and helping you with yours is out of consideration. Can't cope? Alternatively, so they think.
You see I wasn't always like that, until family problems "made me" take Responsibility. I had no one to rely upon except myself and to tell the truth I felt like I was Lost in complications and trouble. At that point, I gave a promise to myself that no matter how many troubles I had I Would Succeed in Life. I was so determined that I slept only 3 to 4 hours a day.
What I did find out, was that the key to get what you want is ATTITUDE and not just any attitude but the right attitude. Let's say you want to get rich, in order to get rich and successful you must behave like rich and successful people even if you are starving to death. You must believe you deserve to be rich and I don't mean some superficial belief deep in your head, rather a strong conviction that you do deserve what you ask for.
When you have that kind of convictions and determination people will start treat you the way you deserve. It's a weird thing but most people form an "Opinion" based on things you believe about yourself, so if you believe you are rich you will be perceived like one, if you believe you deserve to be respected you will be respected. In time those same people, will make your "false" conviction come True. The future "You" is made from the present "belief of" you.
The only restriction of what you can achieve is your Imagination. Imagine the best "YOU" in every detail and you will certainly become this "YOU".
Do you really believe that there is anything in the world that is impossible?
I am 21 and I had to grow up at accelerated rates because of multiple circumstances in my life. One of them was the divorce of my parents, my mother had no money and my father did not seem to care about my brother and me. In addition, to make it clear "no money" means that we didn't have enough even for food.
Now, I am not saying these things so you can feel pity for me. I am telling you because somehow I managed to survive, I found a Way.
Today I make 2000 euros a month, I know it is not a fortune but at least I have a budget that is 4 times more than the average budget in Greece and this amount grows every minute even as I write this article. By the way, my father makes less money than that.
How did I manage to make it while I did not have a quarter of a penny in my pocket? ATTITUDE is the answer, I never ever stopped learning about anything that could be learned and that made me look like Guru in my circle of influence. Even with no money, I had the most beautiful girls and the highest grades of all. When someone had a problem, I was the one who solved it.
Imagine how it is like to have your own problems and the problems of others. It is great, why? Because you get feedback from all the flanks, imagine yourself like a giant sponge whose only job is to soak information. It gives you an edge over the entire community, simply because people cannot cope with their own problems and helping you with yours is out of consideration. Can't cope? Alternatively, so they think.
You see I wasn't always like that, until family problems "made me" take Responsibility. I had no one to rely upon except myself and to tell the truth I felt like I was Lost in complications and trouble. At that point, I gave a promise to myself that no matter how many troubles I had I Would Succeed in Life. I was so determined that I slept only 3 to 4 hours a day.
What I did find out, was that the key to get what you want is ATTITUDE and not just any attitude but the right attitude. Let's say you want to get rich, in order to get rich and successful you must behave like rich and successful people even if you are starving to death. You must believe you deserve to be rich and I don't mean some superficial belief deep in your head, rather a strong conviction that you do deserve what you ask for.
When you have that kind of convictions and determination people will start treat you the way you deserve. It's a weird thing but most people form an "Opinion" based on things you believe about yourself, so if you believe you are rich you will be perceived like one, if you believe you deserve to be respected you will be respected. In time those same people, will make your "false" conviction come True. The future "You" is made from the present "belief of" you.
The only restriction of what you can achieve is your Imagination. Imagine the best "YOU" in every detail and you will certainly become this "YOU".
Monday, March 13, 2006
Power of Positive Beliefs
Power of Positive Beliefs
I am an educator as well as a coach and am interested in what it is that brings out the best in the people with whom I work. Over the last few years I have read a great deal of research on the power of beliefs. I am convinced that it is essential that I hold, and communicate to my students or clients that I believe in their ability to learn, to heal, and to grow.
We have to hold and project these beliefs even when, or perhaps, especially when the person we are working with does not hold them. In a recent study, it was found that teenagers from economically disadvantaged families were more likely to attend college if their parents, especially their mothers, were optimistic about the teen’s chances of enrolling in college.
I read once about a teacher who was given a list of student names with numbers ranging from 125 to180 after their names at the beginning of the school year. Believing that she had been given a class of gifted students, she worked hard all year to provide opportunities for these students to do well. At the end of the year, she asked for another class of gifted students since they had all performed outstandingly. She was told that the numbers were their locker numbers, not their IQs.
In transpersonal therapy, the belief held by the therapist or healer about their client is an important component of the therapy. There is solid research to back this up. Marilyn Schlitz at the Institute of Noetic Sciences is carrying out some interesting research on internationality, which she defines as the "projection of awareness, with purpose and efficacy, toward some object or outcome." In his review of the research on human interconnectedness, Braud claims that the mental and emotional processes of one person can directly influence the mental or physical processes of another person. Hibbard claims that she experiences "the use of internationality in psychotherapy as an extremely potent form of spiritual healing." Benor, who began as a skeptic of spiritual healing says "Just holding an intent brings healing energies and spiritual awareness into the therapy."
Elizabeth Targ refers to medical research that demonstrates the powerful positive effects of the belief of the physician in the treatment offered. She also cites Braud and Schlitz' work on distant internationality which dramatically demonstrates the ability of one person's thoughts to influence the physical state of another person.
She urges medical practitioners to "consciously activate their own images of wellness for each patient with whom they work." In order to help our students or our clients to let go of self-defeating beliefs and to hold life-affirming beliefs, we have to hold those for ourselves as well as about our clients. I use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), which is a powerful process for reducing or eliminating old, unhealthy, negative beliefs and allowing life-affirming beliefs to surface.
For more information, you can reach her at http://www.thestressreductioncoach.com
I am an educator as well as a coach and am interested in what it is that brings out the best in the people with whom I work. Over the last few years I have read a great deal of research on the power of beliefs. I am convinced that it is essential that I hold, and communicate to my students or clients that I believe in their ability to learn, to heal, and to grow.
We have to hold and project these beliefs even when, or perhaps, especially when the person we are working with does not hold them. In a recent study, it was found that teenagers from economically disadvantaged families were more likely to attend college if their parents, especially their mothers, were optimistic about the teen’s chances of enrolling in college.
I read once about a teacher who was given a list of student names with numbers ranging from 125 to180 after their names at the beginning of the school year. Believing that she had been given a class of gifted students, she worked hard all year to provide opportunities for these students to do well. At the end of the year, she asked for another class of gifted students since they had all performed outstandingly. She was told that the numbers were their locker numbers, not their IQs.
In transpersonal therapy, the belief held by the therapist or healer about their client is an important component of the therapy. There is solid research to back this up. Marilyn Schlitz at the Institute of Noetic Sciences is carrying out some interesting research on internationality, which she defines as the "projection of awareness, with purpose and efficacy, toward some object or outcome." In his review of the research on human interconnectedness, Braud claims that the mental and emotional processes of one person can directly influence the mental or physical processes of another person. Hibbard claims that she experiences "the use of internationality in psychotherapy as an extremely potent form of spiritual healing." Benor, who began as a skeptic of spiritual healing says "Just holding an intent brings healing energies and spiritual awareness into the therapy."
Elizabeth Targ refers to medical research that demonstrates the powerful positive effects of the belief of the physician in the treatment offered. She also cites Braud and Schlitz' work on distant internationality which dramatically demonstrates the ability of one person's thoughts to influence the physical state of another person.
She urges medical practitioners to "consciously activate their own images of wellness for each patient with whom they work." In order to help our students or our clients to let go of self-defeating beliefs and to hold life-affirming beliefs, we have to hold those for ourselves as well as about our clients. I use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), which is a powerful process for reducing or eliminating old, unhealthy, negative beliefs and allowing life-affirming beliefs to surface.
For more information, you can reach her at http://www.thestressreductioncoach.com
Thursday, March 09, 2006
10 Tips to Improve Your Self Esteem
10 Tips to Improve Your Self Esteem
Striving to improve our self-esteem is on everybody's mind. It does not matter if you actively pursue this goal or you subconsciously working on improving your self esteem. The problem with this is that you really do not know exactly what you want to improve. You're acting intuitively on external signals.
Do you know how to improve your self-esteem? Probably not. To make it a little bit easier for you and to achieve your goals quicker I put together 10 tips that you can utilize right away.
1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.
2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.
3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.
4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.
5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You will be amazed how this works.)
6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.
7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.
8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice?
9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.
10. Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Do not reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude.
Striving to improve our self-esteem is on everybody's mind. It does not matter if you actively pursue this goal or you subconsciously working on improving your self esteem. The problem with this is that you really do not know exactly what you want to improve. You're acting intuitively on external signals.
Do you know how to improve your self-esteem? Probably not. To make it a little bit easier for you and to achieve your goals quicker I put together 10 tips that you can utilize right away.
1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.
2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.
3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.
4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.
5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You will be amazed how this works.)
6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.
7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.
8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice?
9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.
10. Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Do not reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Why We Shouldnt Worry
Why We Shouldnt Worry
Almost everyone experiences some form of worry one time or another. It is a part of life. Everyday, we struggle financially, make decisions, and face major changes in life. These things create an inevitable occasional wave of apprehension. Ordinarily, a certain amount of worry is essential for our survival. It helps us to focus on the task at hand and leads us to constructive action. However, when worry goes overboard, instead of being a good friend, reminding us to use good sense, worry suddenly morphs into a bully, making us crazy about things we can't control. Here's a list of reasons why constant worry is not good, if it is at all:
1. Worry is a Complete Waste of Time
Worry changes nothing. We don't accomplish anything or find answers to our questions by worrying. We also cannot add anything to our life by worrying. Worry can only subtract from our lives by causing such infirmities like ulcers or coronary thrombosis. Worry is just muddling away today’s time to clutter up tomorrow’s opportunities with yesterday’s troubles.
2. Worry is Unnecessary
Worry can't erase the mistakes of the past. It can't unravel the answers to the future. It can't make anything better in the present. Hence, there is no need for worry because it is inessential.
3. Worry Contradicts Common Sense
We must learn to live one day at a time. God has given us our lives in units of twenty-four hours and we should take life a day at a time. If we wish to live a long and fruitful life, we should respect and live by the biological clock He has built inside us.
4. Worry is Illogical
Worry is illogical because it is futile, unproductive and pointless. It is faith in the negative, trust in the unpleasant, assurance of disaster and belief in defeat. We do not know what tomorrow may bring, so there is no point in worrying about it. Why look ahead and worry about things that have not yet happened. They may just never happen anyway.
5. Worry Creates the Problem
If we are focused on our fears, we are more likely to crash into them. Thinking about them is a confirmation bias of their existence making them exist even if they aren't really there.
6. Worry Distracts Our Attention
Worry distracts us from the duties of the present. It grabs our attention from the things of utmost importance. It interferes with our highest functioning and delicious enjoyment of life. Worry is an uninvited guest who spoils all our fun, making our shoulders droop and forehead crease just when we should be feeling triumphant or carefree or filled with hope.
7. Worry Doubles Our Problems
To anticipate future troubles by worrying about them today is to double them. We already have enough troubles today. Today's problems are all we are capable of handling. Worrying for tomorrow stacks up more problems than we can handle.
8. Worry Diverts our Point of Life
Life is far more important than material things. So often our worries are about relatively unimportant and trivial matters, such as food, drink, clothing, houses and cars. If we seek fulfilment in material things, we are missing the whole point of life. The point of life is the fulfillment of our purpose. Our life purpose is a combination of three things: who we are at the very core, our vision for our self and what we see possible for the world and our values. Instead of working out for our purpose, worry takes us away from the main stream of life completely diverting us from our point of life.
9. Worry is Toxic to our Health
When we worry, every system in our body is affected. Blood clotting increases, blood pressure rises, and the liver produces more cholesterol, all of which raises our risk of heart attack and stroke. Muscle tension gives rise to headaches, back pain, and other body aches. It also triggers an increase in stomach acid and either slow or speed up muscle contractions in our intestines, which can lead to stomach aches, constipation, diarrhea, gas or heartburn. Worry can also affect our respiratory system by aggravating asthma.
It is a medical fact that worriers die sooner than the non-worriers. That is because, as Dr. E. Stanley Jones says, "we are not designed to live in fear and worry." To live by worry is against our own nature. That is why worry is so destructive.
10. Worry Affects the People we Love
The Greek word for “worry” is "merimnaw" which literally means “to be drawn in different directions.” In logical terms, worry tears us to pieces spiritually, psychologically, physically and even socially. When we become too focused on our worries, we forget about the things that really matters, even the people we care. It is a constant and dominating force that disrupts our lives and disconnects us from others.
We don't have to deny our worries or push them out to the limits because in reality, we can't. It is a part of us. It is our nature. Indeed, worry is good to some extent. It only takes a toll on our lives if we are so consumed in it. If we hang around it day in and day out, it can short circuit our own electrical systems and leave us malfunctioning. We should take control over our worries instead of letting them take control over us. Worries are only in our head, thus it leaves us a choice whether to allow them to propagate or just forget about them. Sometimes, the process of worrying about a problem becomes much bigger than the problem itself. So we often need to learn to deal with worries head on. We should choose to think of the present concerns and decide to do something about them instead of simply worrying on them.
Almost everyone experiences some form of worry one time or another. It is a part of life. Everyday, we struggle financially, make decisions, and face major changes in life. These things create an inevitable occasional wave of apprehension. Ordinarily, a certain amount of worry is essential for our survival. It helps us to focus on the task at hand and leads us to constructive action. However, when worry goes overboard, instead of being a good friend, reminding us to use good sense, worry suddenly morphs into a bully, making us crazy about things we can't control. Here's a list of reasons why constant worry is not good, if it is at all:
1. Worry is a Complete Waste of Time
Worry changes nothing. We don't accomplish anything or find answers to our questions by worrying. We also cannot add anything to our life by worrying. Worry can only subtract from our lives by causing such infirmities like ulcers or coronary thrombosis. Worry is just muddling away today’s time to clutter up tomorrow’s opportunities with yesterday’s troubles.
2. Worry is Unnecessary
Worry can't erase the mistakes of the past. It can't unravel the answers to the future. It can't make anything better in the present. Hence, there is no need for worry because it is inessential.
3. Worry Contradicts Common Sense
We must learn to live one day at a time. God has given us our lives in units of twenty-four hours and we should take life a day at a time. If we wish to live a long and fruitful life, we should respect and live by the biological clock He has built inside us.
4. Worry is Illogical
Worry is illogical because it is futile, unproductive and pointless. It is faith in the negative, trust in the unpleasant, assurance of disaster and belief in defeat. We do not know what tomorrow may bring, so there is no point in worrying about it. Why look ahead and worry about things that have not yet happened. They may just never happen anyway.
5. Worry Creates the Problem
If we are focused on our fears, we are more likely to crash into them. Thinking about them is a confirmation bias of their existence making them exist even if they aren't really there.
6. Worry Distracts Our Attention
Worry distracts us from the duties of the present. It grabs our attention from the things of utmost importance. It interferes with our highest functioning and delicious enjoyment of life. Worry is an uninvited guest who spoils all our fun, making our shoulders droop and forehead crease just when we should be feeling triumphant or carefree or filled with hope.
7. Worry Doubles Our Problems
To anticipate future troubles by worrying about them today is to double them. We already have enough troubles today. Today's problems are all we are capable of handling. Worrying for tomorrow stacks up more problems than we can handle.
8. Worry Diverts our Point of Life
Life is far more important than material things. So often our worries are about relatively unimportant and trivial matters, such as food, drink, clothing, houses and cars. If we seek fulfilment in material things, we are missing the whole point of life. The point of life is the fulfillment of our purpose. Our life purpose is a combination of three things: who we are at the very core, our vision for our self and what we see possible for the world and our values. Instead of working out for our purpose, worry takes us away from the main stream of life completely diverting us from our point of life.
9. Worry is Toxic to our Health
When we worry, every system in our body is affected. Blood clotting increases, blood pressure rises, and the liver produces more cholesterol, all of which raises our risk of heart attack and stroke. Muscle tension gives rise to headaches, back pain, and other body aches. It also triggers an increase in stomach acid and either slow or speed up muscle contractions in our intestines, which can lead to stomach aches, constipation, diarrhea, gas or heartburn. Worry can also affect our respiratory system by aggravating asthma.
It is a medical fact that worriers die sooner than the non-worriers. That is because, as Dr. E. Stanley Jones says, "we are not designed to live in fear and worry." To live by worry is against our own nature. That is why worry is so destructive.
10. Worry Affects the People we Love
The Greek word for “worry” is "merimnaw" which literally means “to be drawn in different directions.” In logical terms, worry tears us to pieces spiritually, psychologically, physically and even socially. When we become too focused on our worries, we forget about the things that really matters, even the people we care. It is a constant and dominating force that disrupts our lives and disconnects us from others.
We don't have to deny our worries or push them out to the limits because in reality, we can't. It is a part of us. It is our nature. Indeed, worry is good to some extent. It only takes a toll on our lives if we are so consumed in it. If we hang around it day in and day out, it can short circuit our own electrical systems and leave us malfunctioning. We should take control over our worries instead of letting them take control over us. Worries are only in our head, thus it leaves us a choice whether to allow them to propagate or just forget about them. Sometimes, the process of worrying about a problem becomes much bigger than the problem itself. So we often need to learn to deal with worries head on. We should choose to think of the present concerns and decide to do something about them instead of simply worrying on them.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Be Positive
Be Positive
This may sound quite aberrant to most of the younger generations who are not really exposed to the personality development articles, books or motivational lectures.
Being positive does not indicate that we are not able to handle a situation, which is of abstruse nature. Being positive means, seeing the opportunity, and seeing the best option that is available in any situation.
Generally people criticize themselves, time and other previous situations whenever, they are caught up in a problem, jinx etc.
Abecedarians who are undergoing personality development through self interest or by means of their parents, pretty well fall into such traps of criticizing themselves for what has happened. However, let me tell you, if you have chosen to be strong, then nothing can make you weak, if you have chosen to be weak, nothing can make you strong. The transformation from weak to strong and vice versa is very much dependent upon your self esteem " The way you feel about yourself", will and of course positive attitude.
People are bound to make mistakes; and they should, in fact to make your brains work. Yes, when you commit mistakes or things go wrong, as they may sometimes, you do not have to feel inferior, rather be strong and fight back, make yourself capable to handle such situations. Above all learn; the more you learn, the more you achieve. As it is very precisely said:
Arise, awake and stop not till you goal is achieved.
Here, goal may be anything; it might be effective handling or learning.
When i say LEARN; i mean:
L - LeadE - EffectiveA - AlertR - Realistic, ready, reasonableN - Natty (smart)
Remember, being effective, alert, realistic and natty not only helps and enables you to act pragmatically, but it also helps you in learning.
So, fear not my dear, rather strike hard and effectively. May this article bring many positive personality changes in you transforming your sole into a blend of intellect, boldness and bring out the natty features of yours whenever a hard task arises.
Last but not the least: "Believe in you".
This may sound quite aberrant to most of the younger generations who are not really exposed to the personality development articles, books or motivational lectures.
Being positive does not indicate that we are not able to handle a situation, which is of abstruse nature. Being positive means, seeing the opportunity, and seeing the best option that is available in any situation.
Generally people criticize themselves, time and other previous situations whenever, they are caught up in a problem, jinx etc.
Abecedarians who are undergoing personality development through self interest or by means of their parents, pretty well fall into such traps of criticizing themselves for what has happened. However, let me tell you, if you have chosen to be strong, then nothing can make you weak, if you have chosen to be weak, nothing can make you strong. The transformation from weak to strong and vice versa is very much dependent upon your self esteem " The way you feel about yourself", will and of course positive attitude.
People are bound to make mistakes; and they should, in fact to make your brains work. Yes, when you commit mistakes or things go wrong, as they may sometimes, you do not have to feel inferior, rather be strong and fight back, make yourself capable to handle such situations. Above all learn; the more you learn, the more you achieve. As it is very precisely said:
Arise, awake and stop not till you goal is achieved.
Here, goal may be anything; it might be effective handling or learning.
When i say LEARN; i mean:
L - LeadE - EffectiveA - AlertR - Realistic, ready, reasonableN - Natty (smart)
Remember, being effective, alert, realistic and natty not only helps and enables you to act pragmatically, but it also helps you in learning.
So, fear not my dear, rather strike hard and effectively. May this article bring many positive personality changes in you transforming your sole into a blend of intellect, boldness and bring out the natty features of yours whenever a hard task arises.
Last but not the least: "Believe in you".
Monday, March 06, 2006
Positive Mental Attitude
Positive Mental Attitude
Look at this glass on the table in front of you. Is it half-full or is it half-empty?
Now, do you realize that it is entirely for you to decide what the answer to this question is going to be.
The choice is yours.
So, the very same reality can be seen in opposite ways: in a positive way, and in a negative way.
And there is always a positive side to any thing, any situation, any event, any person.
Look at the world in a different way. Try to find out that positive side. At first, you might literally have to dig it out, but after some time, it automatically appears to you. In fact, you eventually only see the good side.
Everything is beautiful, "everybody's beautiful, in their own way", as the song goes.
So we invite you to try our 3-step positive mental attitude formula. In any situation, however apparently bad:
1. Keep cool and coolly examine the situation. Turn it upside down, inside out, downside up and outside in.
2. Suddenly you realize it could have been worse. Find out how and why it could have been worse.
3. Finally, the good side of it will just appear to you.This can happen gradually or in a flash. It all depends on parts 1 and 2.
Soon you'll see all things and all people in a positive way What you call "failure" is in fact simply a new opportunity to try again and do better than if you had "succeeded" in the first place.
Now, have you noticed that a rich person has more of a chance of getting a bank loan than a poor person? In otherwords: you must have money to be given MORE money!
In the same way, if you are a "happy person", you'll get MORE happiness.
As the great American poet Theodore Roethke said: "The right things happen to the happy man"
Don't worry, whatever type of person you are, you can easily turn yourself into a "happy person".
I can almost see your wry, "easier-said-than-done" smile.
But please, just try our 3-step formula and soon, very soon, in fact much sooner than you think, you'll take up a sturdy and radiant Positive Mental Attitude to life and THAT is the only key to wellness, happiness, and a longer life.
Look at this glass on the table in front of you. Is it half-full or is it half-empty?
Now, do you realize that it is entirely for you to decide what the answer to this question is going to be.
The choice is yours.
So, the very same reality can be seen in opposite ways: in a positive way, and in a negative way.
And there is always a positive side to any thing, any situation, any event, any person.
Look at the world in a different way. Try to find out that positive side. At first, you might literally have to dig it out, but after some time, it automatically appears to you. In fact, you eventually only see the good side.
Everything is beautiful, "everybody's beautiful, in their own way", as the song goes.
So we invite you to try our 3-step positive mental attitude formula. In any situation, however apparently bad:
1. Keep cool and coolly examine the situation. Turn it upside down, inside out, downside up and outside in.
2. Suddenly you realize it could have been worse. Find out how and why it could have been worse.
3. Finally, the good side of it will just appear to you.This can happen gradually or in a flash. It all depends on parts 1 and 2.
Soon you'll see all things and all people in a positive way What you call "failure" is in fact simply a new opportunity to try again and do better than if you had "succeeded" in the first place.
Now, have you noticed that a rich person has more of a chance of getting a bank loan than a poor person? In otherwords: you must have money to be given MORE money!
In the same way, if you are a "happy person", you'll get MORE happiness.
As the great American poet Theodore Roethke said: "The right things happen to the happy man"
Don't worry, whatever type of person you are, you can easily turn yourself into a "happy person".
I can almost see your wry, "easier-said-than-done" smile.
But please, just try our 3-step formula and soon, very soon, in fact much sooner than you think, you'll take up a sturdy and radiant Positive Mental Attitude to life and THAT is the only key to wellness, happiness, and a longer life.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Words Of Vivekananda
The message of Swami Vivekananda was the message of Vedanta. The four cardinal points of Vedanta are: (1)non-duality of the Godhead, (2) divinity of the soul, (3)oneness of existence, and (4) harmony of religions.
(1) Vedanta gives a spiritual interpretation of man, his universe, and the Ultimate Reality. Philosophically non-dualistic and religiously monotheistic, Vedanta is a non-dogmatic, non-sectarian way of life. According to Vedanta, “Truth is one: sages call it by various names.” The validity of truth depends upon the direct perception of the Real. Religion is the manifestation of the divinity already in man. The different names and concepts of the divine are only frail, human attempts to name the nameless, attribute form to the formless, and limit the illimitable.
(2) The divinity of the soul is innate. Religious practices do not generate divinity, but help us to regain faith in our divinity.
(3) All life is one, homogeneous and integral. Individuals are like innumerable blood cells in the vast universal body that includes the human, superhuman, and subhuman. Life is interdependent, not independent. This oneness is the basis of all ethics and morality. Anything that separates us from the rest of the universe is sin, and whatever unites us with all is virtue.
(4) Different religions are only different paths leading to the same goal, described by various names, such as communion, union, samadhi, Self-Knowledge, satori, eternal life in heaven, nirvana, and so forth. Harmony of religions is based on unity in diversity, not on uniformity. This harmony is to be discovered and realized by deepening our individual God-consciousness. Vedanta asks a Christian to be a true Christian, a Hindu a true Hindu, a Muslim a true Muslim, a Buddhist a true Buddhist, a Jew a true Jew. All roads, Vedanta contends, lead to Rome, provided Rome is your destination.
Vedanta is based not on personalities but on universal principles applicable to all people of all times. Its basis of ethics is derived from the unity of life. It offers attainable immortality through Self-Knowledge before death. It gives hope that just as a saint had a past, so a sinner has a future. The sufferings of life, according to Vedanta, are not due to any external agency but to our ego that denounces our true Self and wants to make its own Kingdom of Heaven. Salvation is return to sanity and wholeness.
(1) Vedanta gives a spiritual interpretation of man, his universe, and the Ultimate Reality. Philosophically non-dualistic and religiously monotheistic, Vedanta is a non-dogmatic, non-sectarian way of life. According to Vedanta, “Truth is one: sages call it by various names.” The validity of truth depends upon the direct perception of the Real. Religion is the manifestation of the divinity already in man. The different names and concepts of the divine are only frail, human attempts to name the nameless, attribute form to the formless, and limit the illimitable.
(2) The divinity of the soul is innate. Religious practices do not generate divinity, but help us to regain faith in our divinity.
(3) All life is one, homogeneous and integral. Individuals are like innumerable blood cells in the vast universal body that includes the human, superhuman, and subhuman. Life is interdependent, not independent. This oneness is the basis of all ethics and morality. Anything that separates us from the rest of the universe is sin, and whatever unites us with all is virtue.
(4) Different religions are only different paths leading to the same goal, described by various names, such as communion, union, samadhi, Self-Knowledge, satori, eternal life in heaven, nirvana, and so forth. Harmony of religions is based on unity in diversity, not on uniformity. This harmony is to be discovered and realized by deepening our individual God-consciousness. Vedanta asks a Christian to be a true Christian, a Hindu a true Hindu, a Muslim a true Muslim, a Buddhist a true Buddhist, a Jew a true Jew. All roads, Vedanta contends, lead to Rome, provided Rome is your destination.
Vedanta is based not on personalities but on universal principles applicable to all people of all times. Its basis of ethics is derived from the unity of life. It offers attainable immortality through Self-Knowledge before death. It gives hope that just as a saint had a past, so a sinner has a future. The sufferings of life, according to Vedanta, are not due to any external agency but to our ego that denounces our true Self and wants to make its own Kingdom of Heaven. Salvation is return to sanity and wholeness.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Positive Thinking
Positive thinking means admitting into the mind thoughts, words and images that are conductive to growth, expansion and success. It is the expectation of good and favorable results. A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Whatever the mind expects, it finds.
Not everyone accepts or believes in positive thinking. Some consider the subject as just nonsense, and others scoff at people who believe and accept it. Among the people who are conversant with this subject, not many know how to use it effectively in order to get results. Yet, it seems that more people are becoming attracted to this subject, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it. This is a subject that is gaining popularity.
It is quite common to hear people say: "Think positive!", to someone who feels down and worried. Most people do not take these words seriously, as they do not know what it really means, or do not consider it as useful and effective. How many people do you know that ever stop to think what the power of positive thinking means?
Not everyone accepts or believes in positive thinking. Some consider the subject as just nonsense, and others scoff at people who believe and accept it. Among the people who are conversant with this subject, not many know how to use it effectively in order to get results. Yet, it seems that more people are becoming attracted to this subject, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it. This is a subject that is gaining popularity.
It is quite common to hear people say: "Think positive!", to someone who feels down and worried. Most people do not take these words seriously, as they do not know what it really means, or do not consider it as useful and effective. How many people do you know that ever stop to think what the power of positive thinking means?
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Are You Polite
How would you feel if you received an e-mail from whoknowswho@whoknowswhere.com and all that was written was "Could you tell me how to do this...", or "I want to know this...," or "Could you do this for me...", etc. and there was no greeting, or "please" or even "bye". Worse, if the e-mail weren't even signed? Would you feel like responding to that e-mail?Further, how would you feel if you received an e-mail from someone who politely asked if you could customize some graphics, and after spending a couple of hours doing so, the politeness stopped without even receiving a confirmation of receipt or thank you?Do you feel that this is polite?Before continuing with WHY this page exists let us give you some background.The web is a fantastic place. You can communicate with countless individuals at any time. Everything is as near as a click of your mouse button. Communication is made easier, and if you have a question you can just type it out in a message send it to any website owner. If your message is reasonable, you'll receive a quick answer.Like many designers, the authors behind this particular page spend a lot of time working on personal websites and creating graphic sets. One of us has a tutorial website in Swedish and tips & tricks for PsP 7.0. Like many designers, we receive much e-mail every week from people asking for help or with questions regarding graphics making. We remember when we first started making graphics and we also wrote to designers asking how they did certain things. Most of the time we got nice feedback and without that help we wouldn't be where we are today!We love to receive e-mails but it's very disheartening when others fail to appreciate the time we take to answer them by simply responding with a "thank you". When people e-mail us asking how we did this or that we never fail to respond. Why? It's the polite thing to do (and we both consider ourselves to be polite.Think about this, if we don't receive a reply from you, we won't know IF YOU received OUR mail. That happens. Mail disappears.None of us had spoken to each other about how we felt about all these mails, not getting any confirmation, feeling that some people didn't know about "giving and taking", until one day we discovered that we both had written similar pages about this!Think about this. It's very easy to hide on such an anonymous medium as the Web. Maybe that's one reason why people forget to be polite. Our wish is that you treat the person you send e-mail to the same way as you would like to be treated by someone you meet in real life. For example, at your job. If someone there greets you with "good morning", we are quite sure you would respond. And if someone does something for you, we are sure you would say "thank you".We love that you visit our websites and use our graphics. Any designer would agreewith that. We're proud that you use our work. We would like to clarify that this does not apply to everyone. There are people who bring their courtesy from real life onto the web. Not everyone who writes to us is impolite.We love to receive feedback and e-mail, so please write to us. All we ask is that you bear this in mind: Contact us with the same courtesy with which you would like to be contacted. Thank you.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Dignity In Life
To ask what it means to live with dignity may sound strange in an age like our own, when our frantic struggle to make ends meet hardly allows us the leisure to ponder such weighty matters. But if we do pause a moment to give this question a little thought, we would realize soon enough that it is not merely the idle musing of someone with too much time on his hands. The question not only touches on the very meaning of our lives, but goes even beyond our personal quest for meaning to bore into the very springs of contemporary culture. For if it isn't possible to live with dignity then life has no transcendent purpose, and in such a case our only aim in the brief time allotted to us should be to snatch whatever thrills we can before the lights go off for good. But if we can give sense to the idea of living with dignity, then we need to consider whether we are actually ordering our lives in the way we should and, even more broadly, whether our culture encourages a dignified lifestyle.
Though the idea of dignity seems simple enough at first sight, it is actually fairly complex. My Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (1936!) defines dignity as "elevation of character, intrinsic worth, excellence, ... nobleness of manner, aspect, or style." My Roget's Thesaurus (1977) groups it with "prestige, esteem, repute, honor, glory, renown, fame" – evidence that over the last forty years the word's epicenter of meaning has undergone a shift. When we inquire about living with dignity, our focus should be on the word's older nuance. What I have in mind is living with the conviction that one's life has intrinsic worth, that we possess a potential for moral excellence that resonates with the rhythm of the seasons and the silent hymn of the galaxies.
The conscious pursuit of dignity does not enjoy much popularity these days, having been crowded out by such stiff competitors as wealth and power, success and fame. Behind this devaluation of dignity lies a series of developments in Western thought that emerged in reaction to the dogmatic certainties of Christian theology. The Darwinian theory of evolution, Freud's thesis of the Id, economic determinism, the computer model of the mind: all these trends, arisen more or less independently, have worked together to undermine the notion that our lives have any more worth than the value of our bank accounts. When so many self-assured voices speak to the contrary, we no longer feel justified in viewing ourselves as the crowning glory of creation. Instead we have become convinced we are nothing but packets of protoplasm governed by selfish genes, clever monkeys with college degrees and business cards plying across highways rather than trees.
Such ideas, in however distorted a form, have seeped down from the halls of
academia into popular culture, eroding our sense of human dignity on many fronts. The free-market economy, the task master of the modern social order, leads the way. For this system the primary form of human interaction is the investment and the sale, with people themselves reckoned simply as producers
and consumers, sometimes even as commodities. Our vast impersonal democracies reduce the individual to a nameless face in the crowd, to be manipulated by slogans, images, and promises into voting this way or that. Cities have expanded into sprawling urban jungles, dirty and dangerous, whose dazed occupants seek an easy escape with the help of drugs and loveless sex. Escalation in crime, political corruption, upheavals in family life, the despoliation of the environment: these all speak to us as much of a deterioration in how we regard ourselves as in how we relate to others.
Amidst these pangs of forlorn hope, can the Dhamma help us recover our lost sense of dignity and thereby give new meaning to our lives? The answer to his question is yes, and in two ways: first, by justifying our claim to innate dignity, and second, by showing us what we must do to actualize our potential dignity.
For Buddhism the innate dignity of human beings does not stem from our relationship to an all-mighty God or our endowment with an immortal soul. It stems, rather, from the exalted place of human life in the broad expanse of sentient existence. Far from reducing human beings to children of chance, the Buddha teaches that the human realm is a very special realm standing squarely at the spiritual centre of the cosmos. What makes human life so special is that human beings have a capacity for moral choice that is not shared by other types of beings. Though this capacity is inevitably subject to limiting conditions, we always possess, in the immediate present, a margin of inner freedom that allows us to change ourselves and hereby to change the world.
But life in the human realm is far from cozy. To the contrary, it is inconceivably difficult and complex, rife with conflicts and moral ambiguities offering enormous potential for both good and evil. This moral complexity can make of human life a painful struggle indeed, but it also renders the human realm the most fertile ground for sowing the seeds of enlightenment. It is at this tauntingly ambiguous crossroads in the long journey of being that we can either rise to the heights of spiritual greatness or fall to degrading depths. The two alternatives branch out from each present moment, and which one we take depends on ourselves.
While this unique capacity for moral choice and spiritual awakening confers intrinsic dignity on human life, the Buddha does not emphasize this so much as he does our ability to acquire active dignity. This ability is summed up by a word that lends its flavor to the entire teaching, ariya or noble. The Buddha's teaching is the ariyadhamma, the noble doctrine, and its purpose is to change human beings from "ignorant worldlings" into noble disciples resplendent with noble wisdom. The change does not come about through mere faith and devotion but by treading the Buddhist path, which transmutes our frailties into invincible strengths and our ignorance into knowledge.
The notion of acquired dignity is closely connected with the idea of autonomy. Autonomy means self-control and self-mastery, freedom from the sway of passion and prejudice, the ability to actively determine oneself. To live with dignity means to be one's own master: to conduct one's affairs on the basis of one's own free choices instead of being pushed around by forces beyond one's control. The autonomous individual draws his or her strength from within, free from the dictates of craving and bias, guided by a thirst for righteousness and an inner perception of truth.
The person who represents the apex of dignity for Buddhism is the arahant, the liberated one, who has reached the pinnacle of spiritual autonomy: release from the dictates of greed, hatred, and delusion. The very word arahant suggests this sense of dignity: the word means "worthy one," one who deserves the offerings of gods and humans. Although in our present condition we might still be far from the stature of an arahant, this does not mean we are utterly lost, for the means of reaching the highest goal is already within our reach. The means is the Noble Eightfold Path with its twin pillars of right view and right conduct. Right view is the first factor of the path and the guide for all the others. To live with right view is to see that our decisions count, that our volitional actions have consequences that extend beyond themselves and conduce to our long-term happiness or suffering. The active counterpart of right view is right conduct, action guided by the ideal of moral and spiritual excellence. Right conduct in body, speech, and mind brings to fulfillment the other seven factors of the eightfold path, culminating in true knowledge and deliverance.
In today's hectic world humankind is veering recklessly in two destructive directions. One is the path of violent struggle and confrontation, the other that of frivolous self-indulgence. Beneath their apparent contrasts, what unites these two extremes is a shared disregard for human dignity: the former violates the dignity of other people, the latter undermines one's own dignity. The Buddha's Noble Eightfold Path is a middle way that avoids all harmful extremes. To follow this path not only brings a quiet dignity into one's own lile but also answers the cynicism of our age with a note of wholesome affirmation.
Though the idea of dignity seems simple enough at first sight, it is actually fairly complex. My Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (1936!) defines dignity as "elevation of character, intrinsic worth, excellence, ... nobleness of manner, aspect, or style." My Roget's Thesaurus (1977) groups it with "prestige, esteem, repute, honor, glory, renown, fame" – evidence that over the last forty years the word's epicenter of meaning has undergone a shift. When we inquire about living with dignity, our focus should be on the word's older nuance. What I have in mind is living with the conviction that one's life has intrinsic worth, that we possess a potential for moral excellence that resonates with the rhythm of the seasons and the silent hymn of the galaxies.
The conscious pursuit of dignity does not enjoy much popularity these days, having been crowded out by such stiff competitors as wealth and power, success and fame. Behind this devaluation of dignity lies a series of developments in Western thought that emerged in reaction to the dogmatic certainties of Christian theology. The Darwinian theory of evolution, Freud's thesis of the Id, economic determinism, the computer model of the mind: all these trends, arisen more or less independently, have worked together to undermine the notion that our lives have any more worth than the value of our bank accounts. When so many self-assured voices speak to the contrary, we no longer feel justified in viewing ourselves as the crowning glory of creation. Instead we have become convinced we are nothing but packets of protoplasm governed by selfish genes, clever monkeys with college degrees and business cards plying across highways rather than trees.
Such ideas, in however distorted a form, have seeped down from the halls of
academia into popular culture, eroding our sense of human dignity on many fronts. The free-market economy, the task master of the modern social order, leads the way. For this system the primary form of human interaction is the investment and the sale, with people themselves reckoned simply as producers
and consumers, sometimes even as commodities. Our vast impersonal democracies reduce the individual to a nameless face in the crowd, to be manipulated by slogans, images, and promises into voting this way or that. Cities have expanded into sprawling urban jungles, dirty and dangerous, whose dazed occupants seek an easy escape with the help of drugs and loveless sex. Escalation in crime, political corruption, upheavals in family life, the despoliation of the environment: these all speak to us as much of a deterioration in how we regard ourselves as in how we relate to others.
Amidst these pangs of forlorn hope, can the Dhamma help us recover our lost sense of dignity and thereby give new meaning to our lives? The answer to his question is yes, and in two ways: first, by justifying our claim to innate dignity, and second, by showing us what we must do to actualize our potential dignity.
For Buddhism the innate dignity of human beings does not stem from our relationship to an all-mighty God or our endowment with an immortal soul. It stems, rather, from the exalted place of human life in the broad expanse of sentient existence. Far from reducing human beings to children of chance, the Buddha teaches that the human realm is a very special realm standing squarely at the spiritual centre of the cosmos. What makes human life so special is that human beings have a capacity for moral choice that is not shared by other types of beings. Though this capacity is inevitably subject to limiting conditions, we always possess, in the immediate present, a margin of inner freedom that allows us to change ourselves and hereby to change the world.
But life in the human realm is far from cozy. To the contrary, it is inconceivably difficult and complex, rife with conflicts and moral ambiguities offering enormous potential for both good and evil. This moral complexity can make of human life a painful struggle indeed, but it also renders the human realm the most fertile ground for sowing the seeds of enlightenment. It is at this tauntingly ambiguous crossroads in the long journey of being that we can either rise to the heights of spiritual greatness or fall to degrading depths. The two alternatives branch out from each present moment, and which one we take depends on ourselves.
While this unique capacity for moral choice and spiritual awakening confers intrinsic dignity on human life, the Buddha does not emphasize this so much as he does our ability to acquire active dignity. This ability is summed up by a word that lends its flavor to the entire teaching, ariya or noble. The Buddha's teaching is the ariyadhamma, the noble doctrine, and its purpose is to change human beings from "ignorant worldlings" into noble disciples resplendent with noble wisdom. The change does not come about through mere faith and devotion but by treading the Buddhist path, which transmutes our frailties into invincible strengths and our ignorance into knowledge.
The notion of acquired dignity is closely connected with the idea of autonomy. Autonomy means self-control and self-mastery, freedom from the sway of passion and prejudice, the ability to actively determine oneself. To live with dignity means to be one's own master: to conduct one's affairs on the basis of one's own free choices instead of being pushed around by forces beyond one's control. The autonomous individual draws his or her strength from within, free from the dictates of craving and bias, guided by a thirst for righteousness and an inner perception of truth.
The person who represents the apex of dignity for Buddhism is the arahant, the liberated one, who has reached the pinnacle of spiritual autonomy: release from the dictates of greed, hatred, and delusion. The very word arahant suggests this sense of dignity: the word means "worthy one," one who deserves the offerings of gods and humans. Although in our present condition we might still be far from the stature of an arahant, this does not mean we are utterly lost, for the means of reaching the highest goal is already within our reach. The means is the Noble Eightfold Path with its twin pillars of right view and right conduct. Right view is the first factor of the path and the guide for all the others. To live with right view is to see that our decisions count, that our volitional actions have consequences that extend beyond themselves and conduce to our long-term happiness or suffering. The active counterpart of right view is right conduct, action guided by the ideal of moral and spiritual excellence. Right conduct in body, speech, and mind brings to fulfillment the other seven factors of the eightfold path, culminating in true knowledge and deliverance.
In today's hectic world humankind is veering recklessly in two destructive directions. One is the path of violent struggle and confrontation, the other that of frivolous self-indulgence. Beneath their apparent contrasts, what unites these two extremes is a shared disregard for human dignity: the former violates the dignity of other people, the latter undermines one's own dignity. The Buddha's Noble Eightfold Path is a middle way that avoids all harmful extremes. To follow this path not only brings a quiet dignity into one's own lile but also answers the cynicism of our age with a note of wholesome affirmation.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You
We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.
What is Anger?
The Nature of Anger
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
Expressing Anger
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.
As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."
Anger Management
The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.
Are You Too Angry?
There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.
Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?
According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.
What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.
Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.
Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"
Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.
It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay
Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.
Some simple steps you can try:
- Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
- Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
- Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
- Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.
Problem Solving
Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.
Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.
Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.
It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.
Using Humor
"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.
The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!
When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.
What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.
Changing Your Environment
Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.
Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.
Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself
Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.
Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.
Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.
Do You Need Counseling?
If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.
When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.
What About Assertiveness Training?
It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.
Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Enhancing the Life you Live
Bach Flower Remedies & Flower Essences - Vibrational Medicine
Sacred Space Essentials was born from my personal journey into self-healing using gentle forms of vibrational medicine such as Bach flower remedies and other flower essences to help create and maintain balance and harmony of the body, mind, heart and soul.
Vibrational medicine gently encourages and supports our body's natural ability to 'heal' itself, to return to a state of wholeness. The essence of a flower touches the soul in a way that only the purest of energy can.
Through our website you will find information on Dr Bach's flower remedies, our Sacred Space flower remedies, Tranquillity fine mist sprays, and the Essentials combination blends for many of life's recurring themes. If you feel a personal flower remedy would better suit you, we are available for online or phone consultations.
Flower remedies are the perfect choice for those looking to enhance their lives in any way. They bring into balance all aspects of our being so we 'feel like ourselves' again.
All living things - people, pets and plants - respond well to flower remedies.
It is my hope that the essences, products and information we share here with you will be of benefit to you in your life.
If you have any questions, please contact Sacred Space Essentials.
Vibrational medicine gently encourages and supports our body's natural ability to 'heal' itself, to return to a state of wholeness. The essence of a flower touches the soul in a way that only the purest of energy can.
Through our website you will find information on Dr Bach's flower remedies, our Sacred Space flower remedies, Tranquillity fine mist sprays, and the Essentials combination blends for many of life's recurring themes. If you feel a personal flower remedy would better suit you, we are available for online or phone consultations.
Flower remedies are the perfect choice for those looking to enhance their lives in any way. They bring into balance all aspects of our being so we 'feel like ourselves' again.
All living things - people, pets and plants - respond well to flower remedies.
It is my hope that the essences, products and information we share here with you will be of benefit to you in your life.
If you have any questions, please contact Sacred Space Essentials.
"The Responsiblity of Knowledge is to share it"
-Hollis Little Creek,AbnishinabeElder of the
Red Lakes band of the Ojibwa People.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Some Valuable Quotes of The Greatest
Life is wasted on the living. Douglas AdamsThe art of living is more like wrestling than dancing. -Marcus Aurelius
Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.
-Richard Bach
Life is a long lesson in humility. - James M. Barrie
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. - Josh Billings
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me". - Erma Bombeck
Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive. - Mel Brooks
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. - Buddha
I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all he books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see. - John Burroughs
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
A Few of our Favorite Quotes
To meet everything and everyone through stillness instead of mental noise is the greatest gift you can offer to the universe. --Eckhart Tolle
And we are put on Earth a little space, that we may learn to bear the beams of love. --William Blake
The little space within the heart is as great as the vast universe. The heavens and the earth are there, and the sun and the moon and the stars. Fire and lightening and winds are there, and all that now is and all that is not. --The Upanishads
Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. --The Land Before Time
Serenity isn't freedom from the storm, but peace within the storm. --Unknown
The way is not in the sky, the way is in the heart. --Gautama Buddha
Monday, October 03, 2005
Man Who Found The Truth of Life
Those of my kind visitors who honour me by expressing their delight and even--may this little indiscretion be forgiven me!--even their adoration of my spiritual clearness, can hardly imagine what I was when I came to this prison. The tens of years which have passed over my head and which have whitened my hair cannot muffle the slight agitation which I experience at the recollection of the first moments when, with the creaking of the rusty hinges, the fatal prison doors opened and then closed behind me forever.
Not endowed with literary talent, which in reality is an indomitable inclination to invent and to lie, I shall attempt to introduce myself to my indulgent reader exactly as I was at that remote time.
I was a young man, twenty-seven years of age--as I had occasion to mention before--unrestrained, impetuous, given to abrupt deviations. A certain dreaminess, peculiar to my age; a self-respect which was easily offended and which revolted at the slightest insignificant provocation; a passionate impetuosity in solving world problems; fits of melancholy alternated by equally wild fits of merriment--all this gave the young mathematician a character of extreme unsteadiness, of sad and harsh discord.
I must also mention the extreme pride, a family trait, which I inherited from my mother, and which often hindered me from taking the advice of riper and more experienced people than myself; also my extreme obstinacy in carrying out my purposes, a good quality in itself, which becomes dangerous, however, when the purpose in question is not sufficiently well founded and considered.
Thus, during the first days of my confinement, I behaved like all other fools who are thrown into prison. I shouted loudly and, of course, vainly about my innocence; I demanded violently my immediate freedom and even beat against the door and the walls with my fists. The door and the walls naturally remained mute, while I caused myself a rather sharp pain. I remember I even beat my head against the wall, and for hours I lay unconscious on the stone floor of my cell; and for some time, when I had grown desperate, I refused food, until the persistent demands of my organism defeated my obstinacy.
I cursed my judges and threatened them with merciless vengeance. At last I commenced to regard all human life, the whole world, even Heaven, as an enormous injustice, a derision and a mockery. Forgetting that in my position I could hardly be unprejudiced, I came with the self-confidence of youth, with the sickly pain of a prisoner, gradually to the complete negation of life and its great meaning.
Those were indeed terrible days and nights, when, crushed by the walls, getting no answer to any of my questions, I paced my cell endlessly and hurled one after another into the dark abyss all the great valuables which life has bestowed upon us: friendship, love, reason and justice.
In some justification to myself I may mention the fact that during the first and most painful years of my imprisonment a series of events happened which reflected themselves rather painfully upon my psychic nature. Thus I learned with the profoundest indignation that the girl, whose name I shall not mention and who was to become my wife, married another man. She was one of the few who believed in my innocence; at the last parting she swore to me to remain faithful to me unto death, and rather to die than betray her love for me--and within one year after that she married a man I knew, who possessed certain good qualities, but who was not at all a sensible man. I did not want to understand at that time that such a marriage was natural on the part of a young, healthy, and beautiful girl. But, alas! we all forget our natural science when we are deceived by the woman we love--may this little jest be forgiven me! At the present time Mme. N. is a happy and respected mother, and this proves better than anything else how wise and entirely in accordance with the demands of nature and life was her marriage at that time, which vexed me so painfully.
I must confess, however, that at that time I was not at all calm. Her exceedingly amiable and kind letter in which she notified me of her marriage, expressing profound regret that changed circumstances and a suddenly awakened love compelled her to break her promise to me--that amiable, truthful letter, scented with perfume, bearing the traces of her tender fingers, seemed to me a message from the devil himself.
The letters of fire burned my exhausted brains, and in a wild ecstasy I shook the doors of my cell and called violently:
"Come! Let me look into your lying eyes! Let me hear your lying voice! Let me but touch with my fingers your tender throat and pour into your death rattle my last bitter laugh!"
From this quotation my indulgent reader will see how right were the judges who convicted me for murder; they had really foreseen in me a murderer.
My gloomy view of life at the time was aggravated by several other events. Two years after the marriage of my fiancee, consequently three years after the first day of my imprisonment, my mother died-- she died, as I learned, of profound grief for me. However strange it may seem, she remained firmly convinced to the end of her days that I had committed the monstrous crime. Evidently this conviction was an inexhaustible source of grief to her, the chief cause of the gloomy melancholy which fettered her lips in silence and caused her death through paralysis of the heart. As I was told, she never mentioned my name nor the names of those who died so tragically, and she bequeathed the entire enormous fortune, which was supposed to have served as the motive for the murder, to various charitable organisations. It is characteristic that even under such terrible conditions her motherly instinct did not forsake her altogether; in a postscript to the will she left me a considerable sum, which secures my existence whether I am in prison or at large.
Now I understand that, however great her grief may have been, that alone was not enough to cause her death; the real cause was her advanced age and a series of illnesses which had undermined her once strong and sound organism. In the name of justice, I must say that my father, a weak-charactered man, was not at all a model husband and family man; by numerous betrayals, by falsehood and deception he had led my mother to despair, constantly offending her pride and her strict, unbribable truthfulness. But at that time I did not understand it; the death of my mother seemed to me one of the most cruel manifestations of universal injustice, and called forth a new stream of useless and sacrilegious curses.
I do not know whether I ought to tire the attention of the reader with the story of other events of a similar nature. I shall mention but briefly that one after another my friends, who remained my friends from the time when I was happy and free, stopped visiting me. According to their words, they believed in my innocence, and at first warmly expressed to me their sympathy. But our lives, mine in prison and theirs at liberty, were so different that gradually under the pressure of perfectly natural causes, such as forgetfulness, official and other duties, the absence of mutual interests, they visited me ever more and more rarely, and finally ceased to see me entirely. I cannot recall without a smile that even the death of my mother, even the betrayal of the girl I loved did not arouse in me such a hopelessly bitter feeling as these gentlemen, whose names I remember but vaguely now, succeeded in wresting from my soul.
"What horror! What pain! My friends, you have left me alone! My friends, do you understand what you have done? You have left me alone. Can you conceive of leaving a human being alone? Even a serpent has its mate, even a spider has its comrade--and you have left a human being alone! You have given him a soul--and left him alone! You have given him a heart, a mind, a hand for a handshake, lips for a kiss--and you have left him alone! What shall he do now that you have left him alone?"
Thus I exclaimed in my "Diary of a Prisoner," tormented by woeful perplexities. In my juvenile blindness, in the pain of my young, senseless heart, I still did not want to understand that the solitude, of which I complained so bitterly, like the mind, was an advantage given to man over other creatures, in order to fence around the sacred mysteries of his soul from the stranger's gaze.
Let my serious reader consider what would have become of life if man were robbed of his right, of his duty to be alone. In the gathering of idle chatterers, amid the dull collection of transparent glass dolls, that kill each other with their sameness; in the wild city where all doors are open, and all windows are open--passers-by look wearily through the glass walls and observe the same evidences of the hearth and the alcove. Only the creatures that can be alone possess a face; while those that know no solitude--the great, blissful, sacred solitude of the soul--have snouts instead of faces.
And in calling my friends "perfidious traitors" I, poor youth that I was, could not understand the wise law of life, according to which neither friendship, nor love, nor even the tenderest attachment of sister and mother, is eternal. Deceived by the lies of the poets, who proclaimed eternal friendship and love, I did not want to see that which my indulgent reader observes from the windows of his dwelling--how friends, relatives, mother and wife, in apparent despair and in tears, follow their dead to the cemetery, and after a lapse of some time return from there. No one buries himself together with the dead, no one asks the dead to make room in the coffin, and if the grief-stricken wife exclaims, in an outburst of tears, "Oh, bury me together with him!" she is merely expressing symbolically the extreme degree of her despair--one could easily convince himself of this by trying, in jest, to push her down into the grave. And those who restrain her are merely expressing symbolically their sympathy and understanding, thus lending the necessary aspect of solemn grief to the funeral custom.
Man must subject himself to the laws of life, not of death, nor to the fiction of the poets, however beautiful it may be. But can the fictitious be beautiful? Is there no beauty in the stern truth of life, in the mighty work of its wise laws, which subjects to itself with great disinterestedness the movements of the heavenly luminaries, as well as the restless linking of the tiny creatures called human beings?
Not endowed with literary talent, which in reality is an indomitable inclination to invent and to lie, I shall attempt to introduce myself to my indulgent reader exactly as I was at that remote time.
I was a young man, twenty-seven years of age--as I had occasion to mention before--unrestrained, impetuous, given to abrupt deviations. A certain dreaminess, peculiar to my age; a self-respect which was easily offended and which revolted at the slightest insignificant provocation; a passionate impetuosity in solving world problems; fits of melancholy alternated by equally wild fits of merriment--all this gave the young mathematician a character of extreme unsteadiness, of sad and harsh discord.
I must also mention the extreme pride, a family trait, which I inherited from my mother, and which often hindered me from taking the advice of riper and more experienced people than myself; also my extreme obstinacy in carrying out my purposes, a good quality in itself, which becomes dangerous, however, when the purpose in question is not sufficiently well founded and considered.
Thus, during the first days of my confinement, I behaved like all other fools who are thrown into prison. I shouted loudly and, of course, vainly about my innocence; I demanded violently my immediate freedom and even beat against the door and the walls with my fists. The door and the walls naturally remained mute, while I caused myself a rather sharp pain. I remember I even beat my head against the wall, and for hours I lay unconscious on the stone floor of my cell; and for some time, when I had grown desperate, I refused food, until the persistent demands of my organism defeated my obstinacy.
I cursed my judges and threatened them with merciless vengeance. At last I commenced to regard all human life, the whole world, even Heaven, as an enormous injustice, a derision and a mockery. Forgetting that in my position I could hardly be unprejudiced, I came with the self-confidence of youth, with the sickly pain of a prisoner, gradually to the complete negation of life and its great meaning.
Those were indeed terrible days and nights, when, crushed by the walls, getting no answer to any of my questions, I paced my cell endlessly and hurled one after another into the dark abyss all the great valuables which life has bestowed upon us: friendship, love, reason and justice.
In some justification to myself I may mention the fact that during the first and most painful years of my imprisonment a series of events happened which reflected themselves rather painfully upon my psychic nature. Thus I learned with the profoundest indignation that the girl, whose name I shall not mention and who was to become my wife, married another man. She was one of the few who believed in my innocence; at the last parting she swore to me to remain faithful to me unto death, and rather to die than betray her love for me--and within one year after that she married a man I knew, who possessed certain good qualities, but who was not at all a sensible man. I did not want to understand at that time that such a marriage was natural on the part of a young, healthy, and beautiful girl. But, alas! we all forget our natural science when we are deceived by the woman we love--may this little jest be forgiven me! At the present time Mme. N. is a happy and respected mother, and this proves better than anything else how wise and entirely in accordance with the demands of nature and life was her marriage at that time, which vexed me so painfully.
I must confess, however, that at that time I was not at all calm. Her exceedingly amiable and kind letter in which she notified me of her marriage, expressing profound regret that changed circumstances and a suddenly awakened love compelled her to break her promise to me--that amiable, truthful letter, scented with perfume, bearing the traces of her tender fingers, seemed to me a message from the devil himself.
The letters of fire burned my exhausted brains, and in a wild ecstasy I shook the doors of my cell and called violently:
"Come! Let me look into your lying eyes! Let me hear your lying voice! Let me but touch with my fingers your tender throat and pour into your death rattle my last bitter laugh!"
From this quotation my indulgent reader will see how right were the judges who convicted me for murder; they had really foreseen in me a murderer.
My gloomy view of life at the time was aggravated by several other events. Two years after the marriage of my fiancee, consequently three years after the first day of my imprisonment, my mother died-- she died, as I learned, of profound grief for me. However strange it may seem, she remained firmly convinced to the end of her days that I had committed the monstrous crime. Evidently this conviction was an inexhaustible source of grief to her, the chief cause of the gloomy melancholy which fettered her lips in silence and caused her death through paralysis of the heart. As I was told, she never mentioned my name nor the names of those who died so tragically, and she bequeathed the entire enormous fortune, which was supposed to have served as the motive for the murder, to various charitable organisations. It is characteristic that even under such terrible conditions her motherly instinct did not forsake her altogether; in a postscript to the will she left me a considerable sum, which secures my existence whether I am in prison or at large.
Now I understand that, however great her grief may have been, that alone was not enough to cause her death; the real cause was her advanced age and a series of illnesses which had undermined her once strong and sound organism. In the name of justice, I must say that my father, a weak-charactered man, was not at all a model husband and family man; by numerous betrayals, by falsehood and deception he had led my mother to despair, constantly offending her pride and her strict, unbribable truthfulness. But at that time I did not understand it; the death of my mother seemed to me one of the most cruel manifestations of universal injustice, and called forth a new stream of useless and sacrilegious curses.
I do not know whether I ought to tire the attention of the reader with the story of other events of a similar nature. I shall mention but briefly that one after another my friends, who remained my friends from the time when I was happy and free, stopped visiting me. According to their words, they believed in my innocence, and at first warmly expressed to me their sympathy. But our lives, mine in prison and theirs at liberty, were so different that gradually under the pressure of perfectly natural causes, such as forgetfulness, official and other duties, the absence of mutual interests, they visited me ever more and more rarely, and finally ceased to see me entirely. I cannot recall without a smile that even the death of my mother, even the betrayal of the girl I loved did not arouse in me such a hopelessly bitter feeling as these gentlemen, whose names I remember but vaguely now, succeeded in wresting from my soul.
"What horror! What pain! My friends, you have left me alone! My friends, do you understand what you have done? You have left me alone. Can you conceive of leaving a human being alone? Even a serpent has its mate, even a spider has its comrade--and you have left a human being alone! You have given him a soul--and left him alone! You have given him a heart, a mind, a hand for a handshake, lips for a kiss--and you have left him alone! What shall he do now that you have left him alone?"
Thus I exclaimed in my "Diary of a Prisoner," tormented by woeful perplexities. In my juvenile blindness, in the pain of my young, senseless heart, I still did not want to understand that the solitude, of which I complained so bitterly, like the mind, was an advantage given to man over other creatures, in order to fence around the sacred mysteries of his soul from the stranger's gaze.
Let my serious reader consider what would have become of life if man were robbed of his right, of his duty to be alone. In the gathering of idle chatterers, amid the dull collection of transparent glass dolls, that kill each other with their sameness; in the wild city where all doors are open, and all windows are open--passers-by look wearily through the glass walls and observe the same evidences of the hearth and the alcove. Only the creatures that can be alone possess a face; while those that know no solitude--the great, blissful, sacred solitude of the soul--have snouts instead of faces.
And in calling my friends "perfidious traitors" I, poor youth that I was, could not understand the wise law of life, according to which neither friendship, nor love, nor even the tenderest attachment of sister and mother, is eternal. Deceived by the lies of the poets, who proclaimed eternal friendship and love, I did not want to see that which my indulgent reader observes from the windows of his dwelling--how friends, relatives, mother and wife, in apparent despair and in tears, follow their dead to the cemetery, and after a lapse of some time return from there. No one buries himself together with the dead, no one asks the dead to make room in the coffin, and if the grief-stricken wife exclaims, in an outburst of tears, "Oh, bury me together with him!" she is merely expressing symbolically the extreme degree of her despair--one could easily convince himself of this by trying, in jest, to push her down into the grave. And those who restrain her are merely expressing symbolically their sympathy and understanding, thus lending the necessary aspect of solemn grief to the funeral custom.
Man must subject himself to the laws of life, not of death, nor to the fiction of the poets, however beautiful it may be. But can the fictitious be beautiful? Is there no beauty in the stern truth of life, in the mighty work of its wise laws, which subjects to itself with great disinterestedness the movements of the heavenly luminaries, as well as the restless linking of the tiny creatures called human beings?
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